Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
