i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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