your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I need moral support for this bender
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
