youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
