Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
