Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
