i just had sex bonerless
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
