Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
