Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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