It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
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