girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
