do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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