I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
