I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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