my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
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We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
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You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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