"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
