Your dad touched me again.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
