Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
