i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
