Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
