The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
