So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
