He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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