You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
