I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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