i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
