I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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