There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
