Soap is not a condiment
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
