they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
