eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
