so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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