I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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