Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
