don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
i believe in u and ur pee
Randomize
