Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
