final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
