I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
