it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
