Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
This is the prime rib incident all over again
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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