dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
