i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
