1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Boobs speak an international language.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
