i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize