You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Randomize
