apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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