I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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