Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
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I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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