from now on my penis is your penis
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
