I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
