he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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