wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
