what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
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