READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
