New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
