Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Randomize
