Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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