I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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