My underwear smells like fireworks.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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