I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
