Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
He did a backflip because drugs
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
