Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
