I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
