I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize