Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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