i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Rumble strips road head = magical
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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