I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
one might say we're banned from that church
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
