Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
So many bounce houses so little time
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
