I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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