So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
