i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
