That's intense
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
