Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
