Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
